I’m not made of stone…

Individuals. That’s what we are. Can’t help it. We all have different personalities, some good, some not so much. But what we all have to remember is that we are all human. Humans with hearts, souls, feelings.

Wish I could pinpoint where things went wrong. But I can’t. It’s especially hard when the other party checks out and doesn’t want to communicate. Hard to work on relationships when it’s just one side trying to make it better.

Were there flaws when it came to myself? Absolutely. I’m not perfect nor am I a saint. I am human. Some may not think so, but I am truly a sensitive individual. I know it may sound corny, or not so “manly”, but it’s true. Maybe I just put up this front so people don’t see the true me.

When things started to get bad, it got very stressful. I know I was breaking down. At times I didn’t know what to do. I felt lost and confused. Then  came depression, panic attacks, lost sleep, and yes, after a long period of time, even wept once and a while. Life wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Has the thought of ending it all crossed my mind? Yes. Especially after my wife did what she did. But I think I’m too scared to actually go through with it. What was there to live for? The job situation was bad, was struggling with inner and outer issues, then, my family, who I loved, who were my life, turned on me.

So here I wait. Wait for everything to “be alright”, just like most people tell me. I have been getting some good advice and support which I truly appreciate, but I think I’m still in a way wandering confused in the wilderness not totally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. But it’s there, or that’s what I’m told anyway…

“Everybody, my friend, everybody lives for something better to come. That’s why we want to be considerate of every man. Who knows what’s in him, why he was born and what he can do.”

Now Playing: “Stand or Walk Away” by HellYeah

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